I said it was the last time

Title: “I Said That Was the Last Time…”

Verse:
“I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.”
—Romans 7:15 (NLT)

Devotional Thought:

I have lost count of how many times I’ve said, “This is the last time.”

I have my own personal struggles, the things I battle with daily.  Maybe you do too, may you have said, “this is the last time too”  You may struggle with to many drinks. A cigarette. A moment of anger that spiraled too far. A word spoken too sharply, or a thought you know doesn’t belong.  
Maybe it’s something you looked at when no one was watching, or a silence that felt easier than speaking truth. 

Like me I am sure you have meant it when you have said this is the last time. You meant it when you told God, “I’m not going back.” But then… you did.
Sometimes just hours later. And the moment it happens, the weight crashes in.

Shame. Guilt. Regret.
That sinking feeling creeps in—that maybe, just maybe, I’ll never really change. And suddenly, all I want to do is run—not to God, but away from Him. I shut down. I isolate. Depression starts to creep in like a shadow. Anxiety wraps around my chest and squeezes tight. The weight of my failure feels unbearable. And I can’t help but think: I’ve let others down including myself and God. 

It’s in those moments, the darkest ones, that a deeper thought comes to my mind.
Does God still want me? Is He tired of forgiving me for the same thing? Have I gone too far this time?

Others may turn us away.  But here’s the truth I’m learning and keep learning everyday:  God doesn’t turn His back when we fall. He doesn’t throw up His hands in frustration or walk away.
Instead, He whispers, “I’m still here.” Not to shame us, but to rescue us.
Not to condemn us, but to remind us that grace is still there.

Even the apostle Paul knew this struggle. “I do what I hate,” he said.  Those words hit close to home. They remind us this isn’t new. Even someone like Paul so bold, so faithful wrestled with the war inside.

See Paul didn’t leave us in despair. He pointed us to hope:
“Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” (Romans 7:24–25)

You see, I’m not writing this because I have figured it all out, because we all know that isn’t true.  I’m writing this because I’m in the trenches, too. Still failing and stumbling and still learning to run to God instead of away.
Still learning that grace is more than enough even for me.

If you’ve been stuck in the cycle like me, feeling hopeless or ashamed, please hear this:

You are not alone! You are not beyond help!
And no, God is not disappointed in you. He’s not giving up on you.
He’s inviting you back, every single time.

Mercy is still ours.

Forgiveness is  real. 

And Jesus is our rescue.