Sometimes it is not what you say; it is the way you say it.

Have you ever had to have an important conversation with a person or group of people?  Have you ever had to try and explain a difficult detailed and possibly controversial position on a project?  There were many times in my corporate career that I had the opportunity.  Some, I handled well. But there was one time that I recall, that I failed miserably. At the time, I did not realize it.  I call these times “learning opportunities”.  

I am a passionate person.  Some of my job responsibility revolved around quality.  Quality is a good thing.  The passion for quality is not wrong or a bad concept.  However, sometimes our emotions get “caught up” into an explanation.  Our tone can change and be perceived not as assertion, but sounds more to the receiver like aggression.  

I had the conversation with my colleagues explaining details, outlining expectations and thought it went well.  Until, I received a phone call from their boss.  This person was not only their boss but he is a godly Christian man, my good friend and mentor.  With kind and gentle words and tone, he explained that “your passion isn’t wrong, but hurtful”.  I hadn’t realized that the way I had delivered my message had seemed hardened; never my intent.  His words were tender, timely and pierced my heart, in a good way.  I was both humbled and grateful.

With sincere humility, I contacted my colleagues and apologized.  We sat down again.  This time, I listened first.  I heard what they had to say.  We worked together to come up with a solution that satisfied the quality needs and addressed their concerns.

These colleagues were gracious and forgiving.  We learned and grew from this experience.  Through the years, they became my trusted work partners, team mates and true friends.  I valued their patience, perseverance, honesty and accountability!